I Thibk We Are Strangers Again
Lately I got to thinking about soulmates, those people we feel somehow differently with, it almost feels like we knew them forever. Soulmates are supposed to reveal another layer of ourselves and then leave. I met one on Tinder. Yeah. Obviously you can meet there a lot of dickheads too (depends on your personal filter).
It was in April, now we have October 15th. Took a while till I got it. I've wasted so many thoughts on this case. Well, let's solve it once and forever.
WHEN WE MATCHED PART
It was my first day at the shittiest job ever. Like literally, I took it only because I was too demotivated/anxious and was running out of the money. Looking back at it in my conversations:
The first message from him was an invitation for a date/concert. That should've warn me.
WHEN WE KISSED PART
Here's few sentences taken from previous pages of my journal: 'Have you ever had that kind of kiss, that took you somewhere between subconsciousness and fainting?' I have to admit, it was one of the best dates I have ever had. We met. We talked, we had similar opinions, we both felt acceptation from each other. We have even both experienced anxiety! Weird, right? In Tinder terminology, match, match, match…
THE CHEESY PART
We kissed. I opened my eyes. He asked: 'How do you feel?' My knees were weak, my sight was blurred so that I nearly fainted. To all of you there wondering—-Yes, it can happen!
THE 'YOU ACTUALLLY MET HIM ON TINDER PART'
Well I forgot to mention he was just visiting, travelling for work as a musician. Actually a truly talented one. To prevent his identity I'm not going to reveal his name, but if he start doing what he is supposed to be doing and that is jazz, he might be famous.
THE REASON I MET HIM PART
We had 'that' connection'. We shared our dreams and fears, blah, blah… I told him about my brother, the way he treated me and how it is affecting my behaviour up until now. I told him I want to do so many things, I mean my 'sustainable fashion brand dream', my 'I want to write about mental health dream' and how the reality is too distant from it. In other words I'm not doing any of it.
By simple example he has changed the way I was seeing things. 'Look, is there an hour or half that you have during the day?' I couldn't come up with any excuse. How could I? It was an intimate conversation with a stranger. There are some unwritten rules.
I realised there is an hour, or even two, it all depends on me. I'm in charge of how my mental health, my creativity, my well being is going to be. Scary right? Then he added: 'There are milions of people in NYC, actually my friends that are bar tenders during night and writers during day. They work their asses of to get closer to their dream.' I got it. I grew up a little that second, it also scared the shit out of me, but once and forever I accepted the fact that it's all in my hands. The other day, he was gone and got inspired.
THE WHEN I SHOULD LET HIM GO, BUT DIDN'T PART
Now I know and by writing it down I believe it more than ever that I should thanked for those moments with him and let go. If any of you know me you won't be surprised I stayed in contact with him for few more months. I know it's crazy, I trusted a person I went out twice with, but it sort of felt right. It's rare to feel that way. It really is.
Long story short I simply confused a lover with a soulmate. I do believe he has tried to be there for me. He called me when I was very anxious, waited till I calmed down, supported me and made me laugh. Or he sang to me…
THE PART WHERE I GOT IT
It's October 15th and Im in my bed, with my dog writing down the words: 'Im lonely.' It hurts less than you think and it's revealing. I'm not angry at myself or anybody else. I confused a soulmate with a lover, that simple it is. Because I wanted one so much.
DID HE LEARN HIS LESSON TOO?
If you read the whole article, you must sense I'm believer and I have a big (naive) heart. After the whole 'I think I'm in love period' I texted him:
'What do you think was the reason we met?'
This is what he wrote: 'Sometimes relationships hurt. Big or small. You have to deal with it. Be an adult and take dare of your resposibilities. But you have to have them.'
For a person that has never ever been in a real relationship. That is a lesson to learn.
PS1: Read this is you wanna truly understand what does a soulmate mean: http://redlipstickproject.com/soulmate-and-partner/
PS2: All the photos are real, taken by me. I kind of knew I am never gonna see him again, so I took a camera on a second date with us.
Source: https://mylittlesorrows.wordpress.com/2017/10/15/how-strange-is-that-after-all-that-we-are-strangers-again-and-its-okay/
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